I dont want to be old!

Since arriving home from school for the last time yesterday I promptly got into bed and havent left it since.

It is my way of fighting off all the decisions I have to make in the too near future.

I love how I have matured so.


But damn, this is hard! I mean, I am the person who spends 10 minutes choosing what to drink at lunch! Its especially ridiculous considering I and everyone around me know that I am going to get a coke, yet I persist with this pointless charade day after day!

These decisions are much harder.

1. Do I go to Spain, yay or nay?
If I go I miss the biggest party of the summer, of the boy I mmm.. over. I dont speak ANY spanish. [Not counting sombrero. But that will nae get me far! {At least I will never be hatless}] and I'll have to go on an airplane by myself and I am terrified of heights and zomg the thought of it is killing me. I will also return just one day before I feck off to the gaelteacht. How am I supposed to do all my washing in one day?!?! AAAAAH!!

2. Work.
When do I start? Should I have gone in todays as opposed to lieing here wondering. What hours am I going to have to work? Will I ever be on the cafe floor and not just stuck in the kitchen? What if I break something? What if they hire someone new when Im gone, and I come back and they have no job for me, so I have no regular income so Ill have to walk the streets and then I get runover by a crazed dog who goes insane when he smells ginger and then my body is never identified because my hair is gone and no one recognises me? So much to think about.

3. Driving.
What if I plough into a family of four and kill us all? And why cant I find a stamp to send off for my provisional.

Theres more, but Im tired now. Thinking surely takes a lot out of me.

Summer is here!

And so is hayfever and the threat of sunburn! The fuckers!

Things it is too warm for:
School [over, thank freak]
cooking
jeans
pyjamas
blankets
socks
wearing my hair down
exercise
tests
work
arguments

whooo!

Hahahahahahahahah!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahaha.


Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!



"IF ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY your year ahead will be focussed, self sufficient, determined and full of enthusiasm. Not everything will work out as easily as you expect, so keep your hopes realistic. Socially you may feel there's less fun around so make more effort to inject excitement into your off duty activities. Luckily adventurous friends will pull you out of a rut and ensure you stay on your toes. After mid year you'll be able to relax more often."

nonononono!

Damnit! Damnit, I am such a freaking.... IDIOT! I smashed my mirror! Into smithereens.

SEVEN YEARS BAD LUCK. SEVEN. Thats half the remainder of my life. ~cries

And I had just gotten past my previous 7 years. DAMN.

Speaking of. Its my birthday next week. Although 17 is my favourite age, the age I have always wanted to be, I'm going to be OLD. Someday I am going to be even OLDER. The thought is killing me. Its not fair. I have wasted my youth and life. I could have had 4 kids by now. Feck. I do not want to be old.

At seventeen.
To those of us who know the pain
Of valentines that never came,
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball.
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me.
We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say, come dance with me
and murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me
At seventeen


I am also painting my room. I chose purple, but this is the pinkest purple I have ever seen. It looks nothing like the tester. I cannae even return it as it was one that was mixed up for me. Fecks sake. Although I dont mind pink. My second favourite type of sweets are pink [first type being orange, second being strawberry and cream swirls] but this pink is nothing like that.

Finally sent back my mediacal form for Spain!!

"Describe cause, reaction and treatment of any allergies:

I am allergic to strawberries. Eating more than 3 strawberries make me look like a strawberry. If you see me with a strawberry, take it off me immediately."

I want to live my life now. I am sick of school and people telling me what to do. Study, drive, go to work, exercise, babysit, no you can't go out.

Fuck off. How can I discover who I am if nobody lets me.

I don't want to grow old. I don't want to be short and fat and squatty. I dont want to be an idiot. I don't want to have to make everyone else happy and be miserable myself.

It is all about me today. Accept it.

Nnnnnnnnn

I hate whenI accidentally eat too much [although I also hate it when I accidentally drink too much. But I don't realise that till the next day, when I wake up wearing my liver as a hat]

But this is just so uncomftable.

Fatass.

my room is a mess

It is in such a state! And considering there is pretty much nothing in here, thats bad. I should clean it, and I will. But I just can NOT be bothered right now. Why can't I be bothered?

Something amazing has happened.

I don't know how. I shall not question it.

My vodafone, compoletly useless, slow as my maths teachers mind dial up connection has quickened its tawdry little speed and now I can watch youtube with only a moment of waiting! And what am I watching? My new love, Joan Of Arcadia [although she is so not sixteen. Pffft]

Sveet.

My other new found love is of course Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and I am led to believe that Nathan owns that. Unless everytime I have been in his room this year I have either imagined it, or been drunk. Which I am pretty sure I have never been considering I am there at 4.30 after a long day spent, not in a pub/club/houseparty with a bottle in my hand, which yes, would be fun, but in a dark crowded school of "Greenies" expanding my education and creating my future. All in a day's work.

I am going to fail it all because I accidentally got off the "Good Student Who Studies Hard Train" about 2 years ago. My new shoes make that all worthwhile though.

My lips are sore, and I don't know why, and the only other time they have eer felt like this was 2 years ago atfter going to see The Frames so Im sensing a link between now and then because both times I was out the day before and both times I boycotted the use of glasses. I wouldnt mind, if it isnt such a bitch when I'm eating cashew nuts. The salty fuckers.

It has really annoyed me how the clocks went forward an hour last night because even though I knew this I completely ignored it when I set the video for Joan of Arcadia last night. Good thing I am such a freak when it omes to the video recorder and always set it at least 40 minutes early because for some reasin the scheduale may be wrong and where would I be then? So I only missed the first 5 minutes, although that included teh theme tune, which I was crushed about untill I realised I could just watch it on youtube whenever the freak I want. Well, except when I am at school or sleeping.

Easter has sucked, but I have downloaded loads of splendid songs, from such shows as Greys Anatomy, One Tree Hill, Supernatural and Skins.
I really love this new found speed.

Jane, you rule. Why thank you Déan, so do you. I do believe! Splendid! Marvellous! I say!

Gone