nonononono!

Damnit! Damnit, I am such a freaking.... IDIOT! I smashed my mirror! Into smithereens.

SEVEN YEARS BAD LUCK. SEVEN. Thats half the remainder of my life. ~cries

And I had just gotten past my previous 7 years. DAMN.

Speaking of. Its my birthday next week. Although 17 is my favourite age, the age I have always wanted to be, I'm going to be OLD. Someday I am going to be even OLDER. The thought is killing me. Its not fair. I have wasted my youth and life. I could have had 4 kids by now. Feck. I do not want to be old.

At seventeen.
To those of us who know the pain
Of valentines that never came,
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball.
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me.
We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say, come dance with me
and murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me
At seventeen


I am also painting my room. I chose purple, but this is the pinkest purple I have ever seen. It looks nothing like the tester. I cannae even return it as it was one that was mixed up for me. Fecks sake. Although I dont mind pink. My second favourite type of sweets are pink [first type being orange, second being strawberry and cream swirls] but this pink is nothing like that.

Finally sent back my mediacal form for Spain!!

"Describe cause, reaction and treatment of any allergies:

I am allergic to strawberries. Eating more than 3 strawberries make me look like a strawberry. If you see me with a strawberry, take it off me immediately."

I want to live my life now. I am sick of school and people telling me what to do. Study, drive, go to work, exercise, babysit, no you can't go out.

Fuck off. How can I discover who I am if nobody lets me.

I don't want to grow old. I don't want to be short and fat and squatty. I dont want to be an idiot. I don't want to have to make everyone else happy and be miserable myself.

It is all about me today. Accept it.

Nnnnnnnnn

I hate whenI accidentally eat too much [although I also hate it when I accidentally drink too much. But I don't realise that till the next day, when I wake up wearing my liver as a hat]

But this is just so uncomftable.

Fatass.